Lord, Your will and Not Mine

4 days. Less than 4 days and I’ll be on a plan across the world. The emotion I feel as I even attempt to prepare for this journey is indescribable. I never thought it was possible to feel so excited, nervous, anxious at the same time. I know the Lord will move and change hearts (including mine) in ways I can’t even fathom, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare me in the least bit.

Nervous because I have always wanted to know what to expect, not knowing is something that terrifies. I have never been out of the country, and now just stepping out and going across the world and not knowing what to expect, but oh i know that is the mystery of the Lord, such a bittersweet feeling. Colossians 2:1-3

Excited. When my pastor mentioned Vietnam, I wasn’t the first one to raise my hand, pick me pick me. The friend that sat next to me was interested and we rode together so I unwillingly listened to this opportunity. God tugged at my heart, like ‘Child you have been wanting to go overseas for missions, what are you doing?’ I have, ever since junior high i have desired to serve God out of my comfort zone, somewhere with a different culture and I knew that’s what I was called to do. I urged to see and feel God in a brand new way. So this door that God has opened for me filled my heart with so much excitement.

Anxious. The closer the time comes to leave, the more the anxiety just comes in waves. Why? I’m going to be in such a new and different environment. I’m going to see views I’ve never seen. How exciting? Why God am i so anxious about this journey? This world we live in is so overwhelming and can drown you at times if you aren’t careful to remain in Him. John 15:4 The devils begins to try to steal our focus when there is so much bigger in front of me.

God is good, I know that. I know that the mystery to be revealed in Vietnam will be beyond my comprehension. I know that i will view love in a whole new perspective. It’s bold and it’s scary, but God lead me to fully trust you even when I feel broken in the midst of the journey, when I feel out of control, when i’m stepping so far out of my comfort zone. I know you are good and you are faithful. Always.  2 Timothy 2:13


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